Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in mimicarlton's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, April 29th, 2006
3:10 am	He's gone. And I can't cry. We've been busy. Getting things straightened out with the Mexican army, making sure none of our people were in immediate medical danger, getting care to those who were, gathering our group back up and getting a lift back to NY to deal with the fallout. The logostics of that alone took up so much concentration that nothing else got in. Planes have been grounded around the globe, accompanied with power outages, failure in navigation systems, and all around technological mayhem and general chaos. Back in Mexico, Margo tried to comfort me. I told her it was ok, that I would deal with it later, that we had to much to do. Then I put my feelings on my mental back-burner, so to speak, and dealt with everything else. But now I'm back. And while we're waiting for the other teams to come back and/or report in, we don't really have anything else to do. Now all I have is time to deal with this. But I'm not. I'm just not reacting to it at all. I'm not crying, I'm not angry, I'm not in denial- that I'm aware of, anyway. I don't know what to feel. My mind right now is so conflicted that I just don't know what I should be feeling or how I should be reacting. Because on the one hand, I have every right to be upset. I lost a very good friend today. I hesitate to call him a soul mate, but I think he's as close as I've gotten to one. Someone I could talk to easily, who comforted me when I needed it, and told me to stop being stupid when I needed that, too. On the other hand, I have difficulty mourning him, or his loss, because I know he didn't actually die- he ascended. He did it to save us, not to mention a rather substantial chunk of Mexico. He's up there (or whichever direction it is), probably chilling out with the Buddha or something. And I even helped him. I could tell he couldn't quite do it on his own. If it had been just him, I have no doubt he could have pulled it off. But with all the combined energy he was trying to take with him, I had to help. I gave him that last boost up he needed to ascend. I don't blame myself. There's nothing to blame for. It had to be done. However I may have felt about it, about him- what's the life of one person compared to the whole planet? (Although to be fair, we didn't lose just one person today. We're relatively certain that John is also gone, and a man named Mason who was also riding along) There was no other choice. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. Current Mood: blank Current Music: A Child's Prayer- Harry Christophers and the Sixteen (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 5th, 2006
11:15 pm	ok...rested now that I've had a chance to recover a bit,I figure I can write this...had a thing...bunch of guys trying to attack the school...we worked it so they'd have to move against us early, there by making them off balance. one of the key groups didn't come, which for our sakes is a good thing...we barely made it through the ones that showed. they had all sorts of shit, including stuff to stop regen. which seriously messed w/ Adam and Logan...but I think Logan's eyes have grown back, so he should be fine...Dr. McCoy and Annie were touch and go for awhile, but they had a highly trained (and lucky) person working on them (being Harmony), so they should pull through just fine. While she was busy saving lives, I was busy making some others unpleasant. beat the ass of a ton of people, and found the guy that Logan hadn't wanted to deal with. beat his ass in a knock down drag out fight (and he rightly beat mine,I must say...passed out, actually) on the plus side, 1st Earth Batallion showed, and helped get the stragglers...in the end, I sat down and had a rather long discussion w/ the guy, whose name is escaping me at the moment...about 4 hours worth of discussion...when I was done, I'd helped him see the error of his ways, and left. and promptly passed out the moment I was through the door. it was one of the most exhausting days I've ever experienced...and yet also sort of invigorating, looking at it now. I did perpetrate alot of violence, but at the end of the day, I used other skills to turn the mind of someone; not brute force. it was also nice having the 1st E.B. there. no one else knew who they were, but it was awesome having a group of helicopters coming to actually help rather than coming to get us. I'll have to talk to Murdoch, but I may want to work with them more in the future...maybe do somemore training w/ them...also want to talk to the Prof. when I get a chance...see if I can maybe do some work w/ the Rangers...they're right awesome, and I want to learn to be stealthy like them... Current Mood: tired Current Music: Oveture/All That Jazz- Chicago (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
3:15 pm	four months. four months and I'll be graduated and get to wear the cool black uniform when I risk my life. only fair, I think , to get to wear the cool uniform...but for now I'm gonna go sleep...I'll type the report later...I'm exhausted... Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Suicide is Painless- MASH (Comment on this)
Friday, December 23rd, 2005
1:16 am	ooooooo...shiny. Someday, I will be able to do this...and I can already do some of this.  And it will be/is awesome.   Kicked some serious ass yesterday.  Starting to think that after graduation I may not immediately go to college, or at least not full time...want to talk to the professor, see if maybe I can do internet classes, and do training w/ some of his contacts (and some people who maybe aren't necessarily his contacts...)...but we'll see... Current Mood: content Current Music: nothing (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 8th, 2005
9:33 am	oy so. all in one night, I learned how everyone seems to know who I am (and by "everyone", I mean the people I wouldn't want to know who I am), and also got a freaking job offer from the creator of the First Earth Battalion. Which amazingly enough, I find intriguing. May have to seek him out at some point and talk with him further. Carlisle did a report, with me in it. Colonel Murdoch (FEB guy) gave me the place where I could read it. Havn't yet. Will soon. But its been a long day. I'm going to bed. Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
12:33 am	"...cause anywhere else you could possibly go after New York would be...a pleasure cruise." Finally had the talk with the Prof. that I wanted. Also went through some testing to confirm his thoughts (which they were...confirmed, that is). The response I had in Africa to the violence was more physiological than psychological, although psychology did have a part in it. My psychotic behavior was (and I suppose is) due to a mutated flight or fight response. The subconcious level of manipulation that keeps me safe from things I don't even know about, that likes to kick in when I fight or do other things, is usually held in check by me not allowing it to do exactly what it wants. For instance, I started using escrima sticks, or my fists, instead of say, a knife. Still dangerous, but less than lethal. On the trip to Africa, however, we were told it was acceptable to use lethal force. In the fact that I let the last little bit of control slip, the self-preservation mechanism I have took itself to its full extent: what's dead can't hurt you. And so I reverted back to behavior that I had two years ago. Lashing out, looking for a fight, pre-emptively trying to eliminate threats to myself and those I cared for. It's a rather frightening thought that such a thing can happen. I may ask the Prof. when next I see him if there's anything I can do for it, other than know its coming and try to avoid situations that would cause it, or try to avoid being in charge after such spurts of violence. Other than that, I don't know what I could do, aside from medication. But we'll see what happens. Secondly, I hear some people have been giving Pete grief about Helix. The next person to make any sort of comment to him about her will have words with me. No one is to blame for her death but the men weilding the guns who shot her. And definately not Pete. So lay off, got it? And thirdly, most of you have probably heard about Doug. He's down in the infirmary, still recovering. We're getting a bunch of get well cards together for him, which we're going to send down, since his visitors are still a bit restricted. Fell free to drop them off with me, or anyone on one of the senior squads, and we'll make sure he gets them. Other than that, I suppose that's all. So, for now, g'night. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: I'll Cover You (reprise)- Rent (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 17th, 2005
2:39 pm	heheheeeeeee So I'm writing this from one of the consoles in the infirmary...Duke is reading (I think) in the bed next to mine. We just found out that we both flew back from Venezuela with concussions...probably wasn't such a hot idea...but it turned out ok, so what's the harm, really? Out of the four of us that went, he and I were to the mostly messed up...I guess its probably becuase the other two have regen, the cheaters. Duke's got a broken arm, and some other stuff...I think they said I had some seriously bruised ribs among the worst I'd gotten...and let me tell you...I've had bruised ribs...IT STILL SUCKS. I hope Archer goes easy on me later...or I may just keel over. Although to do that, they have to let me leave the infirmary first...I think I'll just hide behind Annie. Safer there. ^_^ Besides, plenty of time to train later, and considering who we brought back, I think we totally deserve a break. Hoo yeah. Go us. ^_^! Current Mood: ow Current Music: System- Chester Bennington (1 Comment |Comment on this)
2:35 pm	"I'm a Huntress On An African Safari..." So we got back from Africa a few days ago...was pretty awesome. My second time in Africa...although different section. Bought all sorts of junk including a new outfit to add to my closet...right next to the cheerleading uniform. ^_^ Everyone did really well...I feel like we helped alot...although I have to remember to talk to the Prof at some point about something that happened...but that can wait a bit...he prolly won't be around for a bit anyway. He's been really busy lately, and it's not likely to get better anytime soon. Maybe if I wish and think on it hard enough, all the problems would go away? Who am I kidding...we all know I don't have the patience for that. ^_^; Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Not Meant For Me- Queen of the Damned soundtrack (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 1st, 2005
8:39 am	it's been how long? It's been a bit since I've updated...been rather busy what with everything...so here's the basics: 1) am now a knight of the Fairy Realm. Yeah, I know...Margo visited. 'nuff said. 2) was head chearleader for the Rival Week game. Hey, shut up. We won, didn't we? 3) Liv came to visit for Thanksgiving...was awesome to see her. Got to meet Duke's family. It was sort of eerie...it was like there were three of him...weiiiiiiird. And yeah. That's about it. Current Music: Cheers, Darlin'- Damien Rice (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 8th, 2005
9:00 am	Things have been busy, what with training and all, so if I don't get to see you guys as much, that's why...although I think I've figured a good way to do things that makes the schedule a bit easier...if I get all my homework for Monday done on Friday, along with all the drill planning for the upcoming week, it makes things alot less stressful...although I must say, after sitting in the tower for one of Duke's sessions in the DR yesterday, I have to say my simulations don't hold a candle to his for imagination. I should ask him to help me on one or two of them sometime. Also, on a different note, its neat that Wren has her sister back. I kind of know what its like to have a sister that's taken away...then to get to see them again is one of the best feelings. For Wren it must be even more poinant (and I know I didn't spell that write...I don't care) considering all the things they've been through. I wish I could get to know Robin better, but its been advised that I spend as little time as possible with her. They don't want me to accidentally make her "pop". While I understand and agree with their concerns, it hurts a bit, ya know? In the past two years, I've gained so much more control than I thought I'd ever have, for which I'm very greatful. But sometimes something will happen that reminds me that no matter how much control I get over it, it may never be enough. And the thought that if I ever did get full control of it, it might land me a suite in sublevel 3 is never far from my mind. *sigh* Well, that's enough angsting for me I suppose...need to go work on a simulation for this afternoon...didn't quite get that one done on Friday...was watching movies with Duke...btw- TExas Chainsaw Massacre? Sweet! ^_^ Current Mood: blank Current Music: Halo- Abilgail Washburn (Comment on this)
Monday, October 3rd, 2005
11:21 pm	Totally yoinked from my sister's journal... Stole this from Liv's lj...thought it might be interesting: Post something about yourself that other people on your friends list may not know about you. ok. For about two weeks last year, give a day or so, I was blind. Right. So now your turn people. Spill. Current Mood: introspective Current Music: Fly Me To The Moon- Frank Sinatra (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 27th, 2005
1:06 am	I'm gonna get hit... So, I was sitting in my science class today, when I had a really random thought. I imagine I'm prolly going to get weird looks about this, but I don't care...I feel like being odd right now. Scott's powers are solar powered. If he was turned into a vampire, would he explode? Just a thought. Nothing against you, Scott, I swear. You're neat...really. ^_^ Current Mood: weird Current Music: Soldier Girl (UK Version)- Polyphonic Spree (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 17th, 2005
2:35 pm	Ghost ships suck. Well, they do. Current Mood: tired Current Music: Tao of the Machine- BT and the Roots (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 14th, 2005
9:25 am	I can't think of a title Things have been going pretty well around here, recently. Sure, there have been an incident or two (*coughlimbocough*), but otherwise, not bad. School is going pretty well (god I love senior study hall...more nap time! ^_^), and training continues on its merry way (which reminds me- people in my squad, don't forget we have practice tonight...we're running paired simulations, so its important you all show up). Most of the junior squad seems to be doing great, and I'm confident that Tristan will make a damned fine squad leader. I recently transfered a copy of the Summers file to him, to initiate him in to the fine tradition of squad leaders. The look on his face when I brought the little red wagon down the hall was priceless ^_^ (don't worry Karen and Anton...I'm pretty sure I snagged a picture of it with the school security cameras...lucky that, huh? ;) ). I suppose that's it... Current Mood: calm Current Music: Angel Standing By- Jewel (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 8th, 2005
9:28 am	A Change of Perspective You know, as a squad leader, one of my functions is to tell people that if they need/want to talk, that I'm here, and am willing to listen to what they want to say. But until last night, I had never realized exactly how cathartic is can really be to just open up and talk. I hadn't realized how much I'd been holding in until I started to let it out. And it felt good. No, not just good. Great. I feel as if the proverbial weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and things seem to have brightened somewhat. What can I say? Things seem to be looking up. :) While I'm sure things are just as dire as they were yesterday, they no longer seem so bad. Because (and this is probably one of those moments where you stop and say "you're just figuring this out, and you're a squad leader?") I've realized I don't have to do all of this alone. There are people around to help, if I let them. I need to chill a bit, and not get all tweaky, and let people do things, let them learn from their mistakes, and I need to learn from mine and move on, doing the best I can, which is all any of us can really do. Now that I've taken up way too much space rambling, I'm going to go, seeing as I probably should be doing work here on the Salem Center High School computer lab's machines rather than doing this ^_^;. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Turn Off the Light- Nelly Furtado (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 1st, 2005
9:27 am	Any one smell fish? So the new semester starts in a day or two, and it seems like I don't recognize anyone anymore...I always knew we got a bunch of new people every semester or so, but I hadn't really ever noticed till now just how many. There was Fox, who's an illusionist (he seems to have this fetish with unicorns...weeeird), and Ash, who does something with plants. I think I saw him on the cover of GQ a few months ago. Tristan and I sat and had what I can only describe as a "war-story" talk. Talking about the first people we'd ever killed, how we got into this, the neatest thing we'd ever done,etc...It was kind of nice...him and I don't talk all that much, but he's a pretty nice guy. His self-confidence has definately sky-rocketed since the events of this past summer. I just hope his new roomate does better than the last one. We also seem to have a new teacher. I say "seem to" because he seemed a bit unsure of what he was teaching. He says he'll be teaching computers...but his tone made me think I may know more about computers than he does. Which of course makes me desperately want to take his class...I'll bet the homework would be soooo easy...(and that cute accent doesn't hurt much, either ^_^). And yeah...senior squad captain now...how frightening is that? I keep expecting to turn a corner and see Karen, Anton, Margo, Kitty, Doug or Nick, but of course they've all gone...Kitty to MIT, Anton, Karen and Margo to NYU...not sure where Nick went. I wonder if high-wire walking without a net feels like this-dizzying, scary as all hell, but also fucking exhilerating... And btw- yes, I know Lance is in our infirmiry. Just leave it, k? Current Mood: anticipatory Current Music: A Nightengale Sang in Berkely Square- Manhatten Transfer (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 27th, 2005
9:29 am	well damn... We're keeping the new girl, Wren. She is obviously a good luck charm, as we went to the mall and nothing happened. At all. We went shopping and came home. That was it. No men in white, no bigots trying to kill people for no good reason, no crazy hijinx or antics. Just shopping. It was quite a refreshing change. ^_^ Oh, and good luck in LA, Gemini...hope things go well with your auditions! ^_^ Current Mood: content Current Music: Let Go- Frou Frou (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
9:17 pm	Because I was bored... Jvgu rirelguvat gung unf orra tbvat ba, V'ir qrpvqrq gung V fubhyq gel gb jbex ba guvatf gung nera'g arprffnevyl culfvpny...lrf, V xabj V'z onqnff jvgu n fgvpx, ohg jub xarj V jnf nyfb cerggl tbbq jvgu n pbzchgre? Gubhtu fbzr bs lbh znl abg xabj vg, V nz npghnyyl dhvgr tbbq jvgu pbzchgref, nygubhtu zl fxvyy trarenyyl trgf birefunqbjrq ol fbzr bs bhe zber cerfgrtvbhf pbzchgre-yvgrengr. Naq fb, va n fznyy qvfcynl bs pbzchgre fniil, V nz cbfvat guvf gb lbh...ubj znal bs lbh jvyy xabj jung guvf vf, naq ubj gb qrpbqr vg? Vs lbh svther vg bhg, tbbq sbe lbh. V'yy unir Znetb znxr lbh fbzr pbbxvrf :). C.F. Ab Qbht naq Xvggl, lbh'er abg ryvtvoyr. Current Mood: weird Current Music: Ivetva Fgngr bs Zvaq- X'f Pubvpr (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
12:35 pm	"God defend me from my friends; from my enemies I can defend myself."- Proverb Current Mood: enraged Current Music: No Leaf Clover- Metallica (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
11:49 pm	Went on a date the other day. With Margo. She got me a flower. It was sort of surreal. I wonder how Anton will take it. P.S. Margo: That joke you told about the 12 inch pianist...you know that joke? How do you know that joke? I didn't know you knew that joke...does Anton know you know that joke? I mean goodness...not very ladylike at all, is it? Good for you. ^_^ Current Mood: amused Current Music: Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack (3 Comments |Comment on this)